Telling Our Parents

Before we get too far along into this process, we figured it would be a good idea to talk with our parents to see what they thought, and if we have their support and understanding. Thanksgiving was the perfect weekend. And you know what's so funny about that, is that for many of my pregnancies, Thanksgiving was always the time to make the BIG announcement. Honestly...I think the news of our first four children was broken at Thanksgiving.

We felt like this year was no different. We had big news and it did mean more kids. What was so important to us was that we made it very clear that we realize this is a big step--it's not only about having more kids, but adding children that come from a different background and race. But what's not different is that we will love them as much as we love any of our children and no less, and we want to feel supported in that endeavor.

I recall the first conversation going like this,"Dad, Dave has something to tell you." I posed that question out of the blue, which is funny because Dave like's to be more prepared and see it coming. Dave looked at me funny and I told him to tell. I think my dad was a bit surprised. He mentioned 5 was a good number and then offered his full support. His comment that meant the most to me was, " well you will make some boys really lucky!!" We then told my mom. She was really excited.

Dave also called his parents, and I don't even think they missed a beat they were so supportive. In fact, his mom wanted to call her best friend up right away, to which Dave said to hold off for a bit until he broke the news to her son, our great friend TJ.

Adoption Terms

As we get further into this process and chronicling it all here, we recognize that we'll likely be tossing out a lot of terms that may be foreign to you...heck they're foreign to us. So with that in mind, we'll simplify things here with some quick definitions...

Adoption: the legal process where parental rights are transferred from birth parents to adoptive parents

Adoption Agency: a licensed organization responsible for placing children with families or individuals who are approved for adoption.

Adoptive Parent: a person who is legally given parental rights for a child.

Closed Adoption: an adoption where the adoptive parents and the Birthparents have no information about each other that could be used to identify them. This term is considered offensive to some people and has been replaced by "Confidential Adoption".

Dossier: a collection of required documents that is sent to a foreign country in order to process the adoption of a child in that country's legal system.

Form I-600 and Form I-600A: Visa Petitions Standard forms used to request that the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) categorize an orphan in a foreign country as an immediate relative of its intended adoptive parents, in order to issue a visa to that child, allowing it to enter into the U.S.

Home Study: the process most prospective adoptive parents must go through to be able to legally adopt. Usually includes evaluations of their relationship, inspections of their home environment, employment, financial status and criminal background checks as well as counseling.

International Adoption: the adopted child comes from another country and often involves re-adopting the child in the United States (even if formally adopted in another country). Before the Adoption is granted, approval must be obtained from both domestic and foreign governments.

Matching: the process of combining the best interest of the child with qualified adoptive parents. The best interest of the child is determined by the birth parent or legal guardian of the child.

Orphan: a child in a foreign country who has no living parents, or whose parents have disappeared or abandoned the child. In order for a child to be able to be brought into the U.S. for the purpose of adoption, the child must legally be an "orphan."

Orphanage: institution in a foreign country where children are placed because they are orphaned, abandoned, or their parents are unable to care for them.

Paper Chase: the time spent acquiring, filling out, and sending in all the documents required for adoption.

Paper Pregnant: used to define when prospective adoptive parents have begun the adoption process, specifically when they've either applied for adoption or submitted their paperwork/dossier and are officially waiting for a referral.

Post-placement: the period between the time when a child moves into the adoptive family home and the finalization of adoption. A variety of post-placement activities may be offered by an adoption agency to an adoptive family, such as counseling, referrals, support and visits by a social worker.

Prospective Adoptive Parent (PAP): an individual or family that wishes to adopt a child and is somewhere in the process (selecting an agency, completing their home study, etc.).

Re-Adoption: when adoptive parents go through the process of adopting a foreign child in the U.S. after it has already been finalized in the foreign country. This is in order for the child to obtain a U.S. birth certificate, showing the adoptive parents to be the legal parents.

Referral: notice from the agency that the PAPs have been matched with a child/children along with biographical information, including photos and medical information.

Social Worker: a person (usually with a Masters Degree) who provides services to prospective adoptive parents and prospective Birthparents Services are usually provided on behalf of an adoption agency or attorney and typically include counseling and homestudy preparation.

United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS): a federal agency that is governed by the U.S. Department of Justice and handles the immigration of all foreign-born persons into the U.S. Before a foreign adoption can even take place, the USCIS must authorize the foreign child to be allowed to enter the U.S. for the purpose of adoption. This is done by completing Form I-600 and I-600A.

Visa: indicates that an application that was filed by the adoptive parents has been reviewed by a Consular officer of the country's embassy or consulate, and that the officer has determined that they are eligible to enter the country for a specific purpose.

Application IN

We have officially applied to adopt 2 boys from Ethiopia ages 0-24 months. Our agency is Better Future Adoption Services.

Dave has done so much research on the process and the different agencies. And I talked with many agencies and this is the agency we feel the most confident in. WHOO HOO!

Why Adopt? Why Not Adopt?

Arriving at the decision to adopt has been the culmination of many different experiences, conversations, and impressions dating all the way back to the early years of our marriage (12+ amazing years), and even extending into our individual lives before marriage. Over the years we’ve been married, there have been times when we’ve made passive statements about adoption reflecting some interest on our parts. For instance, when we first started to have children the thought of adoption would occasionally come up when considering possibilities for having a family, and after having our first few children (who were all boys) the thought would come up as a potential option for having a daughter. Over the last few years, we’ve come to know several close family friends who have been through the adoptive process and it’s led to some great conversation and further interest. I would say it’s been through some of these more recent interactions that the impressions began to stir much more strongly within that this was an avenue we should really give some consideration. Part of that feeling was fueled by an interest in the prospect of international adoption, and a realization that there are children out there in the poorest of conditions, who are far less fortunate, and ultimately who deserve so much more.

The more and more that we’ve thought about adoption, the more and more we’ve just naturally gravitated towards Ethiopia. There’s something about the country and the people that has really struck a chord with us and pulled on our heartstrings. And it’s not just one particular thing or reason. We’ve read the stats and understand the dire situations there; we’ve watched the videos and read stories and have had our hearts moved; we’ve talked with others and have gained further insight and appreciation for Ethiopian adoption. But it’s also other things—our 10-year old son, Gavin, has always had a natural affinity towards individuals from other cultures and backgrounds; it’s an attribute that is inherent in him, and this is characteristic that both of us have shared too from early childhood (reflected in the friends we made and hung out with growing up). One of the things I remember vividly from my 5th grade class was a long paper I wrote on Ethiopia—its history, its people, and its many challenges.

About two years ago, following a dinner with some close friends who had adopted from China, we had our first long and serious conversation about the prospect of adoption and whether it was something we would really consider pursuing and if we could. While the interest and desire was there, I think the thought of the process and what it would entail as far as work, time, and resources was just so daunting that we didn’t move any further. Now two years later, we’ve found ourselves in a better position than ever and it’s really moved our consideration to the next level. And now it’s not so much a question of why should we, as much as it is a question of why shouldn’t we?

Over the last few months, we’ve done a tremendous amount of research online, through talking to people, through seminars/fairs to help prepare ourselves sufficiently to make a huge decision like this, and then we’ve relied on our faith and prayer, and the support of friends and family to confirm our direction. So now we find ourselves at this moment in time, where we’re convinced that there are more children just waiting to be a part of our family and we want to earnestly begin the journey to find them.

Adoption. Yes!

Okay, so I think some of this may turn into a little he said/she said.:) Granted, yes, I was much more of the driver of this process early on (we're talking just a couple months back--maybe September), but at times when the prospect of adoption seems so overwhelming, there Sierra is completely on top of all the paperwork and everything that we've done and need to do to continue this journey. Don't let her fool you.

I can think back to many conversations over the years, where I could see the gears turning in her mind at the thought of adoption (probably pink thoughts and perhaps a better path than the previous 9 months she had experienced). There was also dinner with friends a few years ago, where she was just firing questions of curiousity off.

So maybe while this wasn't her thought this time (actually if I recall, one catalyst was a question from Gavin about adopting from Ethiopia after seeing a commercial on TV in early October), let me reassure you, myself, and ourselves, that she has been thinking, that I've been thinking, and we've spent a lot of time in thought, and we clearly feel like we're being pulled in this direction.

And while the road ahead seems long and daunting, our hearts are in it for the long haul and we're really excited for the journey. And yes, I could channel my energies to investing, etc., but this is more thrilling and certainly will be more rewarding, and anyways, I leave the numbers to her.:)

Stay tuned for more on the He Said on "Why adopt?"

Adoption. What?

Dave has always mentioned adopting since we married nearly 13 years ago. After having 5 beautiful boys of our own, I never gave it much thought. Since Trenton, #5 I have felt like I wasn't going to have any more kids- boys. :-) I guess Dave never shared the same feeling of being complete as a family. One day in September he brought up the idea of adopting yet again. For some reason this time it seemed like a possibility- maybe. Dave would spend HOURS at night researching, reading blogs and forums and watching videos on You Tube. I would join him sometimes but usually I would fall asleep thinking, " Is this for real? I am sure this idea will pass." I also thought, "If he would spend this much time researching how to invest we would be rich." Well the thoughts of adopting lingered. We had many conversations about it. We had a decision to make. Should we do it or not? Well after much pondering and prayer we have made a decision as a couple to move forward. Feeling a bit overwhelmed yet very excited, we begin our journey to bring home Forstorms.